You’re Already Here

© Nanne Nyander - Poems and Paintings

One step forward, two steps back. 

Two steps forward, one step back. 

Why are you moving at all? 

You’re already here. 

-Nanne Nyander  "The Way Back Home"

Too Tired

 Nanne Nyander - Poems and Paintings

I’m dying, I’m sinking,

you’re singing, I’m crying.

Will this ever be over?

I’m dying inside.

Is this how it’s supposed to be?

I’m empty, I’m drowning.

I know it’s just a story in my head. 

Still, my inside is like a volcano,

but hard as a rock of ice.

Nothing seems to be able to melt it.

My inside is my outside,

and it’s empty and full at the same time.

I can’t think, but still, there are thoughts. 

I’m too tired to move, too tired to not move. 

I cannot do anything,

I cannot not do anything.

I’m dying, I’m falling.

I can’t move forward, and I can’t go back. 

Will this ever be over?

-Nanne Nyander "One Without a Second"

Labyrinth

 © Nanne Nyander - Poems and Paintings

The illusion is like a labyrinth, 

and I’ve found my way out.

I never was in it,

I have always been here.

The labyrinth was only in my head. 

- Nanne Nyander "The Way Back Home"

Nothing Makes Sense

© Nanne Nyander - Poems and Paintings

I’m here again, looking out.
I’m here again, looking in.
I thought I lost myself over there,
but I’m here.
I let go of everything,
but everything is still here.
I’m losing myself over and over again.
Does thought glue everything together?
Is thought trying to make sense of the nonsensical, 
trying desperately to keep the illusion going?
I can see it.
Still, the illusion is here.
Everything’s held together by thought,
and everything is kept apart by thought. 
Nothing makes sense without thought. 
Everything makes sense without thought. 
Nothing actually makes sense.

-Nanne Nyander "One Without a Second"

Stop Doing

 © Nanne Nyander - Poems and Paintings

Too tired to be me, 

but I find no way out. 

I want to rest,

but I don’t know how.

It all seems so silly,

how can I not know how to rest?

It’s just to stop doing.

But how do I do that?

-Nanne Nyander "One Without a Second"

To Be a Me

 © Nanne Nyander - Poems and Paintings

Do you think I’m strange?

Do you think I’m odd?

Is there a rule, how to be, 

how to think, 

how to feel? 

Feel me, am I too soft?

I’ve followed the rules, how to be,

how to be to be ok.

But sometimes I forget,

sometimes I don’t understand the unspoken rules. 

There’s always a nagging feeling in

the back of my head, 

in my body,

that I did something wrong.

How to be, how to be me?

There can’t be a rule, how to be me.

I am, and I am no rule.

I am me, I am.

-Nanne Nyander "One Without a Second"

So Much Bigger

 © Nanne Nyander - Poems and Paintings

Of course I couldn’t find myself.

I’m so much bigger than I ever could have imagined. 

I was looking for something small.

-Nanne Nyander "One Without a Second"

The Most Beautiful Song

 © Nanne Nyander - Poems and Paintings

Sing to me,

you sing the most beautiful song I have ever heard, 

sing to me, sing once again my beautiful soul. 

-Nanne Nyander  "The Way Back Home"

Profound Loneliness

 © Nanne Nyander - Poems and Paintings

What happens if I just stop treading water, 

if I don’t struggle to let go,

if I just let it be?

What happens to the me

if I stop feeding it with more thoughts,

if I just let it be?

Be me, no more.

The profound loneliness of not being me. 

The me does not exist.

How could I be something that does not exist? 

But what is left,

when everything is taken away?

-Nanne Nyander "One Without a Second"

I’m Stuck

 © Nanne Nyander - Poems and Paintings

I’m stuck in the in-between,

no going forward, no going back.

I’m stuck in my own creation,

a creation I never chose to be in.

I’m stuck.

I can’t just let everything be,

and just be.

Be what?

Everything has fallen apart,

and I am in the middle of everything. 

There is no way back and no way forward. 

Show me the way and I will follow,

but I’m left on my own.

Why have you abandoned me?

I can’t find my way out of this,

I’m so tired,

but I have to move forward.

Maybe to move forward is to not move at all.

-Nanne Nyander "One Without a Second"

Without a Thought or Sensation

 © Nanne Nyander - Poems and Paintings

I am,

is a sound in the mind

and a sensation in the body,

but I am neither.

I am before that.

I am aware of the sound 

and the feeling of I am. 

I am, without a thought or sensation.

I am.

-Nanne Nyander "One Without a Second"